One Day

LOL, life is crazy busy, but loving every minute of it, cannot believe that March is my last month of maternity leave, I have no idea how I am going to drop this little body off and leave him in someone elses care.

I have gone a hour or two out alone while daddy took care of his boy, the two of them caught up on a lot of sleep 😉 but never a full day without him, my heart aches just thinking about it.

I still want to write about his birth and what led us to the crazy time of the dr asking me do you have your bags here?

I cannot believe this little dude is 3 months old already, he is such a happy chatty little guy and those little legs and arms are super busy!!


He is here…and already 2 months old!!

Baby boy was born on the 13th of November 2017, at 14:38 in the afternoon, measuring at 53cm and weighing 3.27kg (tall and skinny) and very nosey 😉

It came as a bit of a shock to the system as we planned for him to come on the 17th but the week leading up to his birth day was ridden with worries so his surprise birth day was all good.

I will write about that a bit more when I have time, for now I am soaking up the time with our little miracle.

Please follow my Instagram or Facebook account for his pictures or I will update here soon enough 😉  there is just quicker 🙂

33 Weeks 2 Days

Sjowee, the last time I posted was almost 10 weeks ago, we have been so, so busy, with work, home renovations, more work, family and getting baby boys stuff.

Baby boy is doing really well, was almost 2.5kg at our scan last week.  We had a bit of a scare 2 weeks ago, my hands started itching like crazy and just would not go away, did an emergency blood test for obstetric cholestasis, and then another follow up with our scan last week, all is good, was so relieved to hear those results.

I also started getting those horrible Braxton Hicks contractions last week Friday, but it has since gotten much lighter and mostly gone.

Baby’s room is done, hubby painted it with a fresh lovely colour, putting a new door this weekend, we put a ceiling fan in there and all his furniture was moved in this weekend, I just still need a compactum for his room, which we will hopefully find this week.  You must follow my FB or Instagram for the photos, and also videos of our busy little body 😉

Shame, poor hubby has been super busy, he’s been renovating, running the house and looking after me, the 1st trimester nausea has come back, combined with exhaustion, not a very good combination, but we push through.  Only have 4 weeks at work left and 5 weeks till little man comes.

I decided to not have a baby shower at home, too many issues with the family, they are having one at work for baba on the 20th.

We went on our hospital tour on Saturday, things are starting to get very real now, and my file is ready for when we book in, we are looking at private rooms rather than semi-private, medical aid will only cover the semi-private L but we looking at it, will be so much better for a private room, I don’t do well with other people, LOL.

Other than that…it is our 8 year anniversary next week, pity it falls on a week day, we are both so tired after work that we just want to go home and sleep, LOL, not like there is money to do anything anyways 😉

Work has been crazy, we’ve been doing a ton of interviews for my position, I am off for the 4 maternity leave months, and then had enough leave saved for a full month of leave, but it is so difficult to find someone, they still have not made a decision, but I am not going to stress about it, I am finishing off on the 3rd of November.  Cannot wait.  We also have the auditors here, that together with year end has me so drained and tired, that my patience level is at an all time low, I know this too shall pass, I am just tired right now, LOL.

I have completely forgotten what else I wanted to talk about…losing my mind these days…

Anyways, hoping to update again before little man is here…

Little Boy Update

We are going for our 24 week scan on Monday, cannot wait!  Time is flying by like you cannot believe.

We have been very busy with house renovations, one piece at a time, it costs a lot of money and time, so the things we needed to get done was absolutely necessary.  Now comes our little ones room next, cannot wait to start with the painting and decorating, I already have a plan in mind of what I want for his room, so it’s all about just putting it together.

Poor Google must see our profiles and think “OMW here we go again” we have done so much research on EVERYTHING to make the best decision, but I am glad we are, there are so many gadgets on the market that you have to see if it will work for you and if it’s the best of what you can afford.

We bought him a camera monitor for his room the other day, cannot wait to be staring at that sweet face in the middle of the night.  I also bought this bib from Checkers, with “Tie” stickers that you can stick on and take a pic of his monthly birthdays leading up to a year, for those who follow me on Instagram, I apologize now already for the overflow of photos 😉

There’s been some issues with family surrounding my baby shower and some other stuff, but I have long ago decided not to give them “air time”, it is very sad, but I suppose that is life.

Daddy felt baby move for the first time on Tuesday night, baby has been very busy since Tuesday, loving all the kicks even when it feels like he is using my bladder as a jumping castle, and it is the cutest thing.  When me or daddy put our hands on my belly he gets all shy and either give small kicks or don’t kick, so it was very special when he gave his daddy a thump 😉

Mommy is doing well, just battling with hectic heartburn and reflux, and my body thinks that sleeping is for old people, if it’s not getting up to go to the loo, it is having to turn and rearrange the pillows (I have a pillow fort around me), then just when you get comfy, you realize you need the loo again.  I love this experience, every minute of it, and cannot wait to meet our little man, keep growing well baby, cannot wait to see you again on Monday 🙂



Jellybean ‘s Birth Month

Our first baby, our first little miracle would have been born this month, the due date was the 28th of July 2017, taken away way too soon, but we know and trust that that everything in life that happens, has it reasons, we might now always understand, but we have to have hope and trust.

The road has not been easy, still think of baby every day, and where we would have been now in our journey, and then you feel a little kick from the inside, to remind you that you have a little life to celebrate.

Sometimes it feels like people forget about that baby, I understand that they are excited about our little boy coming, but I do still feel the hurt and pain left by the passing of our first angel, I know people will never get that, and it’s fine, but every once in a while when someone does acknowledge baby, I want to cry from appreciation, cause that baby did exist, he/she was real, the hurt left by that baby’s passing is still real.

People very easily tell you to move on, focus on what you have now, yes, it’s very easy to say that, but to forget about the raw pain left behind is not so easy.

Jellybean will always be my first baby, my first baby love, and I will never forget him/her, the pain has gotten better, and does by each passing day, but there are moments that it still overwhelms you.

Every time our little man kicks he reminds me that he is here, he is real and he is ok, the fear of losing him is strong, but I trust that God will keep him safe for the rest of his life, and the date he is destined to meet us in the big world, he will be ok.  He is our little blessing, our saviour of our hearts, he has mended the pieces of our broken hearts.

Moving and Grooving

So my dearest little one, I felt you move for the first time on Saturday the 10th of June 2017, at about 1PM.

You had your fur little sister Roxy on my tummy (we were at the vet) and all of a sudden I just felt this weird sensation of a little fish swimming, I thought it was her tummy, so I lifted her, and felt it again.

From there, I have been feeling you quite a few times when I sit still.

This morning, I could see that you are really not a morning person like your daddy, you only started moving at about 8, best way to put a smile on your mommy’s face while at work 🙂

I have been waiting forever and ever to experience this, cannot wait to see what comes next and feel you even more.

Baby is a …

We went for our 16 week scan yesterday…

Our little one is growing so well, measuring 4 days ahead of its time!!

We could also confirm the gender and baby is a BOY!!

He is still a little busy body, yesterday it actually looked like he was punching the scan wand thingy (I have no idea what you call that) away, he’s got long little legs already and just the perfect little being.  It is so wonderful seeing him thrive and grow and I cannot wait to feel those punches and kicks we see on the scan.

He is our perfect little blessing, there are moments when all the emotions of it all just overwhelms you, we have waited so long for this little busy body and have gone through hell and back, but here we are, truly blessed beyond words.

My heart wants to explode from happiness!!

Baby Update

It feels like ages since we found out, it’s been an adventurous few weeks which felt like forever, but yet, here we are, at the 12 week mark.

We saw our busy little peanut yesterday.  LOL, everyone who’s seen the video have asked if I had a sugary drink or chocolate before I went, because this little one was so busy on the scan!  I love that we can share the video with family and friends.

There’s been spotting, there’s been nausea, extreme tiredness, some extreme nausea and extreme boob soreness, but I am loving every minute of it and don’t find myself complaining about it.

Current cravings are spicy foods, anything sour, tomatoes every day, and we seem to like meat (steaks).

Current despises, Oats, well caramel oats to be exact, I was in the mood for it, bought it, had a few bites and it ALL came out, baby does not like sweet stuff AT ALL.  I also still cannot stand chicken, the smell, the look anything to do with chicken, I have to run out the door, does not help when colleagues have chicken for lunch nearly every day.  Oh and soup also makes my stomach turn.

I have been battling with a bit of a bad flu which has attacked my chest, at night it gets really bad or when I am in an airconned room, doc gave Expigen the all clear to have, but I still try to only take at night.

Other than that, all is well with our little bean, growing very nicely and healthy 🙂

Our little bean/peanut/baba 😉

Baby 1.PNG

Baby 2.PNG

Baby 3.PNG

And then…dr had his suspicions about this pic…which when you look at it looks quite obvious, but we will confirm with the next scan 😉


I can still not believe that we have been blessed with this little person growing inside of me, seeing it grow from a little blob to a moving, kicking and even stretching tiny little baby has been an amazing experience and I cannot wait to see our little one grow more and more.

The Journey After A Loss

To say that the months after the loss was “trying” is an understatement…You blame yourself so much that the guilt starts eating you up, so much so that a couple of weeks ago I wanted to just get into my car and drive into nothingness, hoping that the memories will stop haunting me, but I suppose you cannot escape from reality.

Then, about two weeks ago…

We really thought we missed the window this month, because every ovulation test that I did for 10 days was negative, so I readied myself for another visit from AF, little did we know…

On the 24th of March, I did a pregnancy test;


Did a very long awaited blood test on Monday 27 March, levels look good.

Did another test on the 28th of March, to make sure you know 😉

Another Test 28 March 2017

We went for a scan on the 30th of March, baby is doing great so far, we even heard the little heartbeat at 111BPM, baby measured at 6 Weeks 1 Day, even though my date says 5 Weeks 5 Days, baby is due according to my gestational date on the 25th of November 2017, according to the measurement date 22 November 2017.

I think we are still in shock, we did not want to get excited just yet, for obvious reasons, but after hearing that little heartbeat, who cannot fall in love with this little dot.


I have been feeling extremely tired the last couple of weeks, the nausea is in full gear for most of the day, when I get a little break I try to eat something, but midway through its like nah…not for me (needless to say hubby’s been having lots of leftovers), and I cannot stand meat, oh and the smells…my goodness the things my nose have smelled. LOL.

I have no idea why we battled for so long (8 years), I started treatments knowing what was wrong, 11 years ago, went off the pill 9 years ago (it helped for one aspect of the issue I had), this journey has not been easy, but here we are, and this time, I am hopeful that we will be holding our little pink foot little one soon, so bring on the nausea, tiredness, crying for everything and smelling farts from a mile away, as long as it means this little baby is growing, I will take on a world of symptoms as long as everything is ok in the end.

We have only let a selected few know, I just cannot deal with some people just yet…but the ones who really cared with our loss all know 🙂

I still miss and think of my first baby, but I am also putting my focus on enjoying this one.

Coping Mechanisms

Life has been so busy lately, work, personal, everything and everywhere just feels like it is consuming me at the moment.  I still think about our lost little one every single day, sometimes you wish you could just sleep through a day, not to be reminded about what should have been, but you learn to cope with it, you learn to pick up the pieces and carry on with life, cause nobody else will be there to pick up those pieces for you.

People tend to “forget” what happened to you, and rightfully so, this is our battle, our sadness, our story, time waits for no one, not even sorrow.

I have been asking on Facebook about a necklace that I really wanted, but the prices that people charge are just not worth it, so we went looking this weekend, and I finally found something that I really liked,  the lady will get in stock this week at the one store, and we getting the other part at another store.  Just a little something as a remembrance, even if we do fall pregnant again, our first little miracle will always be our first child and I am not “forgetting” about our baby.

Fact of the matter is, we are still hurting, very badly, we are trying to be there for each other, but the pain just gets a bit too much sometimes, which have caused both of us to have tripped into that deep dark hole, but the cheerleader side of me keeps kicking that black dogs ass and saying, get out of it, dig, dig, dig, you can do it, and you push those feels down and just smile and wave while riding the wave, it is tough, but like I said, you have to pick up the pieces and carry on.

I cannot say that I am not hurt by the reaction of those around us, oh hell I have thrown tantrums in my inner self and had outbursts about this, but when I come to my senses, I realize that no one will ever understand, unless they have walked in our shoes, even I never truly fully understood the extend of this heartbreak until we walked in the shoes of infertility for so many years and then having a little bit of hope, just for it to be taken away in the blink of an eye.

Our hearts are broken, but we are trying to pick up pieces bit by bit.